Nineteen Minutes

I recently read the book “Nineteen Minutes” by Jodi Picoult. It is the first of her books that I have read and I think she is an amazing writer. I found the book hard to put down and I was drawn into both the characters and the plot. The book focused on a school shooting. The title came from the length of time the shooting occurred for – nineteen minutes from when the shooter walked in, until he stopped. A big part of the plot centers around the shooter’s experiences in school, from preschool to high school. He was bullied.

The book really hit a nerve with me. Jack is my child I worry about, because he is sensitive and his feelings are hurt easily. Kids can be mean, and probably nothing is ever going to change that. Hopefully, most kids learn that when they are mean, they hurt other’s feelings, and they learn to be kinder. But comments that most parents dismiss, drive me crazy. Because they hurt my baby’s feelings. Sometimes a lot. Often more so than they might hurt other kid’s feelings.

The book made me wonder what makes some kids get bullied and others are left alone. There are lots of sensitive kids out there, not all of them get bullied. And why do some kids get repeatedly bullied, from their first day of school to their last. The biggest question I ponder is what do I do to make sure my kid is ok?

As parents, we all say, and to some extent think, we want our kids to be unique and individual. We want them to be true to themselves, no matter what. To stand out in a crowd. But the truth for me, and maybe more parents than I realize, is that I want my kid to be the same. I want him to fit in. I want him to blend. Because the kids that are like all the other kids, don’t get picked on. They have friends. They are the popular and cool kids.

I don’t know the answers. I don’t know how to make sure my kids have friends and don’t get bullied. I certainly hope my kids are not the ones bullying other kids. But I feel that I have more control over that side of the problem. I can teach my kids not to bully others; I can’t teach every other kid not to bully mine. So I watch like a hawk for signs that Jack is getting bullied or is not ok. And I pray that I can keep him safe and happy. And I hope that maybe his generation can figure it out, and stop the problem that seems to be getting out of control. Because in this situation, the glass-half-empty girl has to try to be optimistic.

Staycation Days 4, 5, and 6

Staycation day 4 was a "Date Day." We sent the boys to Sara's for the day so Troy and I could spend some time just the two of us. We went up to Holland and did a little shopping and errands. Then came home and went to Joe's Bar & Grill for lunch and a few drinks. It was some much needed couple time and Sara was excited to see the boys!

Staycation Day 5 was spent in Montague for Big G's birthday. They had the kiddie pool, sand and water table, and slip and slide out for the kiddos. They all had a blast! It was also fun for the boys to get to see their baby cousin Jake, who got to hang out in the pool with the "big boys." I was excited to make a trip down to the Montague Antique Mall - I found my rocking chair I have been wanting for the front porch! Here are some pics from the day:

My goofy boys

Squirter Guns!!!!!

Brett had to get in on the action

All the cousins

Awwwwww...

The boys dried off and tuckered out!

Our final staycation day included a family cook out at my sister Laura's house. The boys love playing with their cousins and I love hanging out with my sister, so it was a perfect evening! Here's the final pics from our summer staycation:

Staycation Days 2 and 3

Day 2 of our Staycation - a true staycation day spent relaxing at home. (Otherwise known as mom-and-dad-were-feeling-lazy!)

Jack "reading" to Brett - love it!

Brett trying to escape from the backyard!

Jack's excellent golf swing in action - the next Phil Mickelson (I can't compare him to Tiger!)

The boys snacking...with golf clubs

Day 3 of our Staycation was a blast! Our frinds Jill and Thomas had a pass for the Children's Museum at Navy Pier in Chicago. Jill and I loaded up all three boys and drove into the big city. Almost six hours later we had three very tired and very happy kiddos! I know I have a ton of pictures here - but it was so much fun I couldn't seem to narrow them down!

Brett in true firefighter style

Jack in his firefighter coat and boots

Thomas, Brett, and Jack (known today as the three stooges!)

We spent some time building with boards, nuts, and bolts

There was a great board where Brett could take the bolts in and out of the holes to make a picture - perfect for tiny, not-quite-coordinated-yet hands!

My boys working together - love it!

The kids loved the Treehouse room - was one of their favorites!

Jack loved catching fish, frogs, and reptiles (as he accurately told me each one!)

In the treehouse

Me and Brett in the car that was part of the Town room

Digging and discovering dinosaur bones!

Silly boys!

Both the boys also loved the water room - we saved it for last since they needed a full clothing change after we got done playing!!

Jack loved building a water system with these pipes - he spent almost his entire time in the water room at this station. He had a ton of fun with it!

Brett kept filling a funnel with water and then was amazed that by the time he looked into it, the water was gone. He was amazed all 50 times he did that! The confused look was priceless!

About 30 minutes into the car ride home - three sleepers! And two moms in the front with Starbucks!!! What a great trip! We all loved it!!

Staycation 2011

We decided not to go up north this summer. We didn't know if I would be switching jobs or not, and if I was, we didn't know what the timing would be. If I wasn't, then I was out of days off. We figured there was too much up in the air to make plans for that time frame. So now we are having a "staycation" since I ended up with the same week off as Troy. Here's pictures from our first adventure - a trip down to St. Joe to see the "Barnyard at the Beach" public art display and then on to the splash pad for some fun in the sun (and splashing!).

Troy and the Boys with Vincent VanGoat

My cuties :)

Me and the Boys with Bessie and Jessie

Jack loved splashing around!!

Brett, on the other hand, spent most of the time in the stroller with a juice box and snacks!

The boys having fun together

Brett gave it a try - but never got close enough to actually get wet

My tired baby toward the end of the afternoon - with his Binket and Nuk

Jack on the carousel

What a sweetheart :)

Stops and Starts

I have a new job. It seems crazy to write those words. I have been looking for another job, off and on, for about 5 years. When people talked about what a tough job market it was, I knew what they meant. I got my hopes up, got disappointed, felt discouraged, almost gave up, and everything in between. But I now believe more than ever in the idea that everything happens for a reason.

I discovered the posting for my new job by chance. The midwife that helped deliver Brett sent out a letter that the midwife practice was moving to the InterCare clinic. Then I got an email at work that one of our Vice Presidents was leaving to take a position at InterCare. Having heard the name twice in just a couple weeks, I decided to Google it. As I poked around on their website, I saw the job posting for a Training Coordinator. As I read the description and requirements, I couldn’t help but think, “This is me.” So I applied.

I didn’t hear anything for probably about six weeks. I had kind of figured I wasn’t going to get a call (or even a thanks, but no thanks letter). Then I got a call. The HR manager I talked to said they had been working on filling a number of positions and were finally turning their attention to this one. She told me about the job and asked if I would be interested in coming in to talk to her about. I ended the call and was shaking I was so excited!

Then came the interviews. Interviewing is a lot like dating, except there are no fun movies and going out for drinks. And you have to much more aggressively sell yourself because you only get a couple chances before it gets to the getting serious stage. So I got out of my box and tried to talk myself and my skills up. And as they asked the questions, I realized I didn’t have to work hard to give them examples and to talk about how I would handle situations. And I left the interviews with the same feeling you get after a great date – those excited butterflies in your stomach and the hope that it was the start of something.

Then there was the waiting. While hiring for the position was not their only task to do, it was the only thing I could think of. I stared at the phone; I watched my email for a note from my references that they had been called. (Strangely, a lot like dating again.) Finally, the call came. I had got the job. And the offer was sweet. Better than I had anticipated. I immediately called Troy, then my sister, and cried happy tears.

While it feels crazy to think that I have a new job, it feels just as crazy to say that I resigned my job at Lakeland. I have been there 8 ½ years. I started there single and living in my parent’s basement; I am leaving there married, with two kids and a house. Stops and starts, or changes, usually stress me out and make me nervous. I am a type A person – change is hard for me. But the fact that I am not nervous about this change at all, tells me it is right.

So now I am at the starting and stopping point. I don’t like to think of it as beginning and ending. Really, the job is not beginning; the idea and vision of it has been there for a while, on both my side and theirs. I am just starting with it; picking it up and running with it. And my time at Lakeland is not so much ending; I will just stop going there and being involved in projects. I hope to maintain many of the relationships I have built there; some on a professional level, and some on a friendship level.

There is something about a big change in life that brings a sense of hope and that great feeling of getting to start over; getting to create something new. Hope is something I have needed for a while now. So I believe even more that everything happens for a reason. Whether it is fate or faith, or a little of both, thanks for working out just right this time!

Me with my offer letter from InterCare!!!

Jack Presley - Spring 2011

So I’m finally getting around to posting the kids’ pictures from way back in April. Here’s a little about Jack right now:

• Jack is a talker. There are times when I think he is never going to stop. Right now, his phrase is, “You know what?” He will preface half his statements with that. I try not to interrupt him, because the more he talks, the more I learn about his thoughts and what is important to him each day.
• Jack’s imagination is in full bloom right now. I see it in so many ways. It is fun to watch him play right now, because he has elaborate scenarios with his super hero “guys.” I will hear him having Batman talk to Joker or making the sounds for Superman to fly across the dining room. I also see his imagination in his explanations for things. He has particularly great explanations for anything body-related. He has informed me there is a little guy in his belly that runs around and that’s how he gets his energy. He also has some pretty interesting explanations for his behavior. When he didn’t eat his applesauce I packed him for lunch the other day, he told me it was because a little girl came up to him and whispered to Jack to go outside and play. He told me he just couldn’t stand it and had to go, so that was why he didn’t eat his applesauce. Because Mallory tricked him.
• Jack is naturally athletic. He started t-ball this spring and is great at it. He has excellent form when he hits the ball and when he runs. Some of this is natural talent and some is from us working on it with him. We’re not the crazy parents who are out to make our preschooler a professional athlete, it’s more that Jack has always loved sports, so we’ve played them a lot.
• Jack is still my sensitive child. He gets his feelings hurt easily. I worry that he is sometimes too eager to please people and will get run over by others. But he is a smart kid, so hopefully he will find the right balance.
• Jack is certainly exerting his independence and testing his limits right now. He wants to be in charge (of everything) and has a hard time with being told no. He is testing us as parents because we have had to work extra hard at being consistent and following through on what we say. But my philosophy is that if I can’t get my 4 (almost 5) year old to pick up his toys, I will never get him to come home at night when he is 15. We put the hard work in now by developing limits, boundaries, and expectations so that when he is older we can have less battles and enjoy those years more. (I know all of you with kids that are teenagers or older are falling out of your chairs laughing right now. Just let me live in my ignorance-induced state of bliss, ok?)

While Jack can drive me absolutely crazy with his wildness and his attitude lately, he also has this innocent, sweet side that just melts my heart. The other night Troy was working late and I had just put Brett to bed. Jack and I were having some ice cream for dessert and took it out to the living room. I sat next to him on the couch and he turned to me and said, “I like it when you sit next to me on the couch. It’s nice.” Yes, Jack, it certainly is.

Brett Casey - Spring 2011

Brett is becoming quite the character. He is slowly moving out of the baby phase and becoming a full-fledged toddler. It makes me just a little sad, but seeing the personality that is emerging brings a smile to my face.

• Brett has finally started to talk more. He is often difficult to understand, but I seem to be able to decipher his language better than anyone else. His words are sometimes not that similar to the actual word; for example, when Brett says “dadoo” what he actually means is “water.” We have jokingly called him “The Repeater” lately because he will repeat most anything you tell him. He wants to know the names of things now and will frequently ask, “What that?” I absolutely love that when you tell him what it is, he says, “Oh,” just like an adult.
• Brett is hilarious. And he knows he is funny. And he tries to be funny whenever he can. He loves to make people laugh. He will put things on his head, make funny faces, yell crazy sounds, anything to get a laugh out of people. He will certainly be the class clown, but I think he will be the type that teachers almost can’t be strict with because he is so adorable in his antics.
• One of Brett’s favorite words is “no.” He is at that stage where his immediate response to any question is “no,” then he will think about it and sometimes change his mind. Our conversation the other day: Me – “Brett, do you want some pretzels?” Brett – “NO!” Me – “Are you sure you don’t some pretzels?” Brett – “Yes, pretzels, mine.” That pattern is repeated about 50 times day.
• Brett is absolutely not a TV guy. He is the exact opposite of his brother in that regard. He is all boy though, just like his brother. Right now he loves trucks and cars. He wants to tackle me any time I sit on the floor. And he loves to play superheroes with his brother.
• I had worried that Brett was not going to like books. I actually stressed out about it when he was younger. Jack had been a book reader (well, listener) since the day he was born. I just assumed with my passion for reading and the small (ok, large) library of children’s books in my home, that all my kids would naturally be into books. When Brett was younger I could not get him to listen to more than a page or so and he would be done. He is slowly coming around. He is in a phase now where we often will read the same book two or three times before bed, rather than reading two or three different books. But he is starting to have favorites. He loves the Sandra Boynton books (just about all of them!). He loves the “How Do Dinosaurs…” books. And lately he has been picking one of Jack’s big Disney story collection books and picking a story from that. I am less worried these days.

Brett continues to capture my heart in a way I never knew was possible. He remains my Mama’s Boy and asks for me all the time. I know he won’t always be this attached to me, so I try to soak it up as much as I can. Even as he grows up, I will forever think of him as my little Monkey.