New

I went to church this morning, like many people. The sermon, as you can probably guess, focused on the resurrection. The pastor talked about the “new”, a new Easter, a new season, a new week. With all the craziness my life has had the last few months, my thoughts went to wishing I could have a new life. But as I thought about it, I realized I do have a new life compared to what I had not that long ago. And my new life was brought about by the new little lives I brought into my world. Not too long ago, I spent a lot of time window shopping and thinking and making a very detailed list of exactly what I wanted for Christmas. In my new life, I spend hours online and thinking about the perfect toys to make my kids happy on Christmas morning. I rarely give my own list much thought anymore. Not too long ago, I shopped for the perfect Easter dress and took the time to get myself ready and look just right. In my new life, I pick out cute sweater vests for my boys and abandon the idea of painting my nails so I can hide eggs and fill baskets. Not too long ago, I was a Christmas and Easter church goer. I grew up going to church every Sunday, Sunday school, the whole bit. I never thought much about it. Then I learned a little more about religion and some of the history of organized religion. I continued to have faith, I just wasn’t so sure about organized religion. I don’t like that throughout history, religion has been used as a way to control the masses and persecute people. I don’t like that so many crazy people use religion as an excuse to behave in horrible ways. Sometimes the people shouting the loudest about being Christians, act the least Christian of all. But in my new life, I’ve started to see religion, church, and God through the eyes of Jack. He started going to a Christian Preschool and we started attending the youth night at my sister’s church, and Jack started singing in the kids’ choir. He started talking about saying prayers and God loving us. So we started getting involved and going to church, for Jack. And, like so often happens, in trying to teach my kids, I learned something. I learned that maybe my discarding religion because of some bad history, was a bit self-indulgent. I learned that not all religious people use it to exclude others. I learned that church is about more than just sitting through the service. Jack has discovered church is fun and has a positive and simple understanding of faith. I like this. I also like that I am beginning to be a part of something that feels inviting and warm. Through the recent difficult months, I have found comfort and support at church. Ironically, even though my life seems to continue to present challenge after challenge, I have begun to believe much more strongly in the power of prayer. Maybe I don’t need a new life, I just need a new attitude about the one I have. My children are teaching me to focus on someone besides myself. Maybe my parents are teaching me to be more responsible and patient and compassionate. So in the spirit of Easter and the resurrection, I am looking forward to a new season and a new chance to reinvent my life, each and every day. Happy Easter!

Sibling Rivalry

From the beginning, Jack has been a great big brother. When I was pregnant, he couldn’t wait for his brother to be born. After Brett was born, I waited for the horrible moments of jealousy I had been warned about by friends with more than one child. They never came. Jack was impatient at times, but hardly abnormal for a three year old whether there was a sibling involved or not. So I started to assume we had simply been lucky and were destined to not experience the comments, or far worse the behavior, associated with a sibling in the house. Then the other day happened…

The other day we were sitting at the dinner table and Jack, out of the blue, asked me if I loved Brett more than him. I calmly said no, and asked him if he thought that I did. He replied yes. So I asked him what made him think that. He said I did more stuff for Brett than I did for him. So we talked about it some. I told him that Brett was younger so he needed more help and sometimes needed more attention so we could keep him safe. Jack seemed ok with the conversation, but me, on the other hand, was devastated by it.

I felt like a horrible mother that my child thought I had a favorite. I did a lot of thinking. I thought back to my own childhood and realized I had thought my parents had a favorite. Anyone that knows my family knows that my brother was obviously never assumed to be the favorite. But many times I thought my sister was the favorite. I remember my parents going to her basketball games in junior high and the football games when she was marching in the band. I seemed to remember my parents making it to a game, maybe two at the most, when I was a cheerleader. She seemed like the favorite. The funny thing is, I also remember my sister making comments about me being the favorite. So I started to think every kid might think their parent has a favorite; and every kid might think the favorite is not them.

I thought about what might make Jack think that I loved him less. I realized I might shoulder some of the blame for this perception. With two kids, you often divide and conquer. Well, when Troy and I divide, I often take Brett. This has probably happened by a mixture of design and circumstance. I started being the one to always put Brett to bed because it allowed me to start on my editing work a little earlier in the evening. I also love the bottle-feeding and rocking that go with putting a baby to bed. Also, Brett is a Mama’s boy. He tends to want me, so we tend to accommodate because it is easier. Finally, Jack and I are a lot alike. Because of this, we often clash. Brett has a different personality and he and I seem to compliment more than clash. While this is not by anyone’s choice, I also maybe haven’t made as much effort as I should have to make opportunities for Jack and I to have fun together, rather than to butt heads.

My solution? A little more Mommy and Jack time, and maybe a little more Daddy and Brett time. So Jack and I went to the store together on Sunday and on a Mommy and Jack date this week to see the movie HOP. Jack and I both had fun. And guess what? I got an unsolicited “I love you” and a request for me to put him to bed.

Lucky

Yet another, “I meant to write this…” post. I meant to write this on St. Patrick’s Day, so I guess I am only a few weeks behind in my life right now. Well, getting better.

The last few months, I haven’t felt very lucky. In fact, I have mostly felt the exact opposite. So in the spirit of St. Patrick’s Day and the Luck O’the Irish, I started thinking about what in my life is lucky. Here’s what I came up with:

• First and foremost, I am lucky to have the love of the people around me. My husband, my boys, my sister, my close friends – I am so lucky all of them are in my life. And even luckier that they have not only put up with me the last few months, but have loved me all the more!

• I am lucky to have children that, for the most part, sleep and eat well. These are two issues that I know many parents struggle with. I hear the horror stories of children not sleeping through the night until they are three or even older. Jack took longer to sleep through the night than Brett, but he had terrible ear infections. Now, aside from the occasional wet bed or fever, we all sleep through the night at my house. And neither of my children are picky eaters. In addition to being fairly willing to try new foods, my kids like to eat healthy foods. Jack would eat 10 apples a day if we let him, and Brett could easily live on yogurt.

• I am lucky to be a healthy person. I remember going to my preliminary doctor appointment when I was pregnant with Brett. As the nurse got to the end of the medical history section she commented that I was one of the healthiest patients she had seen in a long time. I have no chronic conditions or issues and really no family history of anything major.

• Finally, I am lucky to be smart. We all know the game of “would you rather…” Whenever the question is would you rather be smart or (fill in the blank), I almost always would choose smart. I don’t mean that I am the next Albert Einstein or that I am going to solve the problems of the universe, but I am smart enough to be thought of as intelligent and to be able to solve many of life’s daily problems. I can explain a fair amount of the world to my kids and can teach them quite a bit. I can read for information as well as for enjoyment. I can have debates and heated conversations with others – and hold my own. I can be creative and can solve tough problems.

I may not have discovered the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow, but I can still claim to have some Irish luck. And who knows, maybe that gold is right around the corner for me…

Another Night in Michigan

I had intended to write this post a number of weeks back when we were in the midst of Michigan winter. But my internet was out for a week, then life was busy, and before I knew it the promise of winter being over was here. When I was fed up with the snow and the ice and the cold, I saw a facebook post with someone commenting , “Well, folks, we do live in Michigan…” I hear similar comments every February when yet another snow storm is predicted and we are all sick of the scrolling closings at the bottom of the screen during every evening tv show. In an attempt to not give in to the winter blahs and complaining (I ended up giving in any way!) I started to think of the benefits and perks of living in Michigan. So here are my thoughts…

1. People write songs about Michigan. No one ever writes songs about states like Idaho or Ohio. One of my favorites is the Hello Dave song, “Another Night in Michigan.” Another great one is Kid Rock’s “All Summer Long,” which, in true Kid Rock style, praises summer pastimes in Northern Michigan like smoking “funny things” and sipping whiskey on the beach.
2. I know how to drive in snow, ice, sleet, hail and any combination of the above. I don’t like it, but I can do it. Something to be said for that knowledge and skill.
3. Michigan has the best fruit and veggies around, and some of the biggest variety as well. Living in the “Heart of the Fruit Belt,” in Southwestern Michigan, I have come to love our fresh produce. Last summer I switched to buying our produce almost exclusively at the Farmer’s Market all spring, summer, and fall. We all felt healthier and it certainly tasted better. My kids refuse to eat canned fruit now, but there certainly are worse complaints they could have.
4. A compliment to living in the fruit belt, is that I live in a corner of Michigan extremely conducive to growing grapes, and therefore, producing wine. I can easily rattle of a list of local wineries and some of their treasures. One of my favorite wines of all time is Tabor Hill’s Demi Sec. A recently discovered close second is Leelanau Cellar’s Winter White. I think this may be the summer I get to know my area a little better by taking a wine country tour.
5. In Michigan, you are never more than a couple hours from the beach. Surrounded by water on three sides is a blessing I often take for granted. You can see the sun rise over the lake on the east side of the state, go for a leisurely drive, and catch the sunset over the lake on the west side of the state. I haven’t seen a lot of the sunrises, but those sunsets are some of the most beautiful sites ever created!
6. Finally, if you don’t like the weather – wait a day; it will change!