New

I went to church this morning, like many people. The sermon, as you can probably guess, focused on the resurrection. The pastor talked about the “new”, a new Easter, a new season, a new week. With all the craziness my life has had the last few months, my thoughts went to wishing I could have a new life. But as I thought about it, I realized I do have a new life compared to what I had not that long ago. And my new life was brought about by the new little lives I brought into my world. Not too long ago, I spent a lot of time window shopping and thinking and making a very detailed list of exactly what I wanted for Christmas. In my new life, I spend hours online and thinking about the perfect toys to make my kids happy on Christmas morning. I rarely give my own list much thought anymore. Not too long ago, I shopped for the perfect Easter dress and took the time to get myself ready and look just right. In my new life, I pick out cute sweater vests for my boys and abandon the idea of painting my nails so I can hide eggs and fill baskets. Not too long ago, I was a Christmas and Easter church goer. I grew up going to church every Sunday, Sunday school, the whole bit. I never thought much about it. Then I learned a little more about religion and some of the history of organized religion. I continued to have faith, I just wasn’t so sure about organized religion. I don’t like that throughout history, religion has been used as a way to control the masses and persecute people. I don’t like that so many crazy people use religion as an excuse to behave in horrible ways. Sometimes the people shouting the loudest about being Christians, act the least Christian of all. But in my new life, I’ve started to see religion, church, and God through the eyes of Jack. He started going to a Christian Preschool and we started attending the youth night at my sister’s church, and Jack started singing in the kids’ choir. He started talking about saying prayers and God loving us. So we started getting involved and going to church, for Jack. And, like so often happens, in trying to teach my kids, I learned something. I learned that maybe my discarding religion because of some bad history, was a bit self-indulgent. I learned that not all religious people use it to exclude others. I learned that church is about more than just sitting through the service. Jack has discovered church is fun and has a positive and simple understanding of faith. I like this. I also like that I am beginning to be a part of something that feels inviting and warm. Through the recent difficult months, I have found comfort and support at church. Ironically, even though my life seems to continue to present challenge after challenge, I have begun to believe much more strongly in the power of prayer. Maybe I don’t need a new life, I just need a new attitude about the one I have. My children are teaching me to focus on someone besides myself. Maybe my parents are teaching me to be more responsible and patient and compassionate. So in the spirit of Easter and the resurrection, I am looking forward to a new season and a new chance to reinvent my life, each and every day. Happy Easter!