Reflections a Decade Later

On the radio the other morning was a montage of music and sound bites from a decade ago. Specifically, from September 11, 2001 and the days immediately after. As the tenth anniversary approached, I saw and heard more and more about that day. The programs about the attacks and in remembrance of those who died. The recollections of where people were and what they were doing. It was definitely being brought to the front of people's minds again.

I was teaching third grade in Battle Creek on 9/11. My friend and colleague, Sarah, came over to my classroom and said her husband had called or emailed that a plane had crashed into one of the towers in New York. I got the kids going on an assignment and went to cnn.com. I caught the first reports coming in. At that point, no one knew what was really happening. Shortly after, I was no longer able to get to the website. I later learned all the major news sites crashed because of the traffic to them.

I was isolated inside a school with no TV or radio. It didn't really hit me because I hadn't seen anything or heard much. The principal came into the staff lunch room and said a decision was made to not mention anything to students. It was the parents' decision and choice as to what to tell their children. Parents started arriving early to pick their kids up. I still didn't quite get it.

Then I got home. And I, like so many others, sat in front of the TV for hours. And then for days. I cried at the stories. I prayed for the families. And I held on to hope for so long that they would find more people. That they would save more people. Then I cried again when the inevitable message came that the rescue effort had become a recovery effort.

I, like so many others, rediscovered my pride in my country and my patriotism. I wore my American flag pin. I said the Pledge of Allegiance with a little more meaning. And I sang God Bless America in the middle of baseball games. But I also had questions. How could this happen? How did we not know it was coming, with our vast network of intelligence systems and agents? How could anyone be evil enough to come up with this plan?

So where am I a decade later? I have to admit, my patriotism has faded. I once again question certain characteristics of my country and its leaders. But I also have to admit, I do so because of a commitment to the people of my country. I may be embarrassed by the actions of a vast number of people in my country, but I am proud of my commitment to do something to help others in need whenever and however I can. Perhaps patriotism has not been the lasting impact of 9/11 for me, but service to my community has.

A decade later I still have the same questions. I still don't know how that tragic day happened. I have watched countless hours of commentary and analysis and theories, but I think it all points to the simple truth that none of us know how this happened. Maybe we all just didn't know that level of evil existed. We didn't know what we didn't know. But unfortunately, I think that day, and in the days after, we all lost a little bit of innocence, and faith, and hope. Perhaps that is another lasting impact of 9/11 for me, and for all of us watching that day.

So on this anniversary, my thoughts turn to the victims and their families. I doubt many people in this country escaped this tragedy without knowing someone that was lost, or someone that lost a loved one. I pray that they have all found some kind of peace and a way to keep going. And I promise them that I will continue to remember the impact of their loss, and use it to fuel my commitment to help others whenever I can. I also promise to someday, when they are older, teach my children the lessons to be learned from that day. I can't answer the questions I am sure they will have, because I don't know how someone could do this. But I hope their generation can find the innocence, the faith, and the hope that the rest of us lost that day.